i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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