i don't like sucking hair
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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