you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
