You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
