the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
