My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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