It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
