that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
