I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
