Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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