I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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