we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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