did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
