He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
