If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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