Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
