Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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