He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
