There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Alive.
So much puke
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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