I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
