I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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