why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
