in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
