How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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