either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
