There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
