Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
