it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
