How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
