She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
