Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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