Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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