I'm lost and stupid without you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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