So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
