Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
