I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
