so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
