I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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