At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
