Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
