You don't have asthma, your pregnant
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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