You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
