I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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