I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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