Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
In America we eat man semen.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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