i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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