i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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