Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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