apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
