I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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