After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My dick has a subreddit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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