The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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