I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
