the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
