i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
