my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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